Curosity Killed the Cat...
So...............I had a very interesting conversation (or rather she was talking and I was listening) with a co-worker that is worth blogging...
A co-worker of mine, who is a grandmother of a few, informed me of an interesting conversation that took place at her house the evening before. It seems that her son's sons, who are eleven and twelve years old, confronted their father about oral sex (which they heard about at school). The father was so upset that his children would ask him such a thing that he put them in the car and drove them to his mother's house (my co-worker) and told them to tell their grandmother what they said to him. So, the boys were like, "Grandma, what's oral sex?" Now, what I expected to come after that was completely different from what actually happened. She said she sat them down and explained to them, in serious detail, what oral sex is...she told them all about the "finger test"; told them that "if you get down there and it doesn't smell right, don't trust it"; told them exactly what to do to make the girl happy, and then proceeded to give both of them condoms and told them to keep them on them at all times. So, of course I'm sitting there HORRIFIED at what I'm hearing. She explained that she would rather them feel comfortable getting the information from a "valuable source" rather than getting it off the street and that she wants them to feel like they can ask anything and receive an honest answer from family....after all her explaining one of the grandsons asked her if she has oral sex...WHO ASKS THEIR GRANDMOTHER THAT QUESTION????
Now, this is where I ask the reader: Is it acceptable to tell children the details of sex and provide them with suggestions and equipment in this day in time? I mean, has the world really gotten to the point where it is just FINE to sit down eleven and twelve year old boys and give them detailed descriptions of sexual encounters in the name of being open and honest? I mean, is that REALLY OK???? Do children need to have all their curiosities answered when they want them answered? What ever happened to "Sex is something that happens between married couples....THE END and don't ask me again or I'll beat your ass...you are a child and shouldn't be concerned with adult topics...go ride your bike!" What happened to that time cause it did exist back in the day...
Bad Words
1) Genuine: True; really what it is said to be.
2) Virgin: pure; chaste
3) Friend: a person you know well and regard with affection and trust
I never knew three words could be so negative.
A Week for the Believers
On Wednesday, we buried Imam Rasul Madyun. Today, we buried Sister Mu'minah Saleem-Sharif...it has truly been a special week, for both of these people moved many because of the unshakable belief they had in the Creator. We lost Imam Rasul suddenly after he suffered an aneurysm. We lost Sister Mu'minah after battling breast cancer for a few years. Rasul's Janazah was cold and rainy; Sister Mu'minah's Janazah was warm and sunny...both were beautiful days to bury the Believers. There were so many similarities with these two when it came to Islam that it is somewhat soothing that they shared this week. The most important characteristic they shared was their love for Allah (swt) and their ability to inspire others through their passion for this beautiful religion named Al-Islam. May Allah (swt) bless them both with a place in Paradise.
Early Thanksgiving morning, around 12:15 a.m., I got the call that Sister Mu'minah had passed and immediately got up to meet the family at the hospital. I had never seen a soul-less body before, but the experience was very calming because she looked so peaceful. Amatullah and I stayed in the room with her for a while and I have to admit that, although we will miss her truly and dearly, it was wonderful to know that her illness was over. She was a very special woman who I credit for helping me to establish my faith in Allah (swt) throughout my life. I love her and will miss her always. So, this Thanksgiving, I was thankful to Allah (swt) for blessing me with the love, kindness, wisdom, truly inspiring/unshakable faith, and ALL the laughter that Sister Mu'minah brought for 27 years of my life. She was a blessing...
I just have to give a "shout-out" to Amatullah. For months, I watched her take care of her mother like a true child should. It was very inspiring and moving to see her put aside the needs and wants for herself and focus 100% of her attention on her mother. I know that Sister Mu'minah was very proud and appreciative to have Amatullah for her daughter. I can't express to the reader how humbling it was to watch the roles reverse. I just pray that if my parents ever need me that I can be half as strong, willing, and effective as Amatullah was for Sister Mu'minah. May Allah (swt) bless her for all her efforts.
A Carrie Bradshaw Moment...
There is a lot going on around me that I have no control over, so when I want to clear my mind or not face the realities of the world, I lock myself in my room for hours with my heater blasting (I love the coziness of heat) and pop something great into the DVD player. This weekend, I revisited the first three seasons of Sex and the City, a show that I fell in love with after being introduced to it by a great friend (THANKS MUNEERA!!). Ok, so I'm up to the point where Carrie is in a relationship with Aiden (a guy who is just perfect for her), yet she continues to want Mr. Big (a guy who constantly shyt on her life).
So, this got me thinking about myself and others that I've encountered and makes me ask my own question: What is it about the person who treated you like shyt that is so damn attractive? Isn't that a little sick and twisted? I can only speak for myself here, but I fell victim to that once too...wanting someone who was just wrong for me and to this day I still can't understand why I accepted half the crap I went through with him. In one episode she asks "Do we need drama to make a relationship work?" Answer: HELL NO. I consider myself a wanter of the "drama-free" relationship, or at least as drama free as possible, but I can't help but admit that the one guy I really wanted to be with brought serious, truly unnecessary, energy-draining drama to my life and I failed to cut the cord. I found myself pissed at times constantly wondering what the hell was wrong with me, but the attraction stuck until I just couldn't deal anymore...but this went on for YEARS. Carrie didn't go off on Mr. Big until after six years and get this: they STILL ended up together! I don't know where I'm trying to go with this blog, all I know is that watching this show this weekend made me think of my past and wonder why I was so attracted to my "Mr. Big". And, to be honest, I still don't know the answer to that question.
Goal Accomplished (somewhat)
I did it...I took the Praxis I exam today. I left feeling like I had accomplished my goal...now, I have a new goal: passing it. I feel very strongly that I passed the reading and writing part, but those math questions were HELL. After reading the first one, I felt that I was doomed for the entire section. I should have taken it as a sign when I the test administrator asked who was there to only take the math section and about 75% of the people raised their hands. That shyt was HARD...maybe it was just me, but I really don't think it was. I am confident that I answered 5 out of the 40 questions correctly. The only way I passed that section is if I picked the right letters to bubble in...otherwise, I'll be taking that section again.
Ok, just let me vent about standardized testing for a minute...
I don't believe there is anything wrong with standardized testing except that time crap! I truly believe the folks who are in charge of these test should reconsider the time they give people to take it. For example, me and the math section of the Praxis: ALL of the problems were word problems. This means I had to read the problem, figure out how to solve the problem and actually solve the problem...I had to do this 40 times and I only had 60 minutes...yeah the hell right! THEN, let's talk about the writing section. Now, I consider myself a strong writer (don't judge me by this blog, I could care less about punctuation, grammar rules and all that stuff on here). Today, we had 30 minutes to read a question, mentally answer the question, organize our thoughts so that we could write an essay about the question, then actually write the damn essay...all in 30 minutes? Ummmmm, maybe if I was typing, but I was writing...and then we had to use a pen on top of that...pissed me off. I believe I did well on that part, but still...30 minutes is not enough time to do all that and come out with a top notch essay.
All I can say is congratulations to all those who passed that math section cause that right there was 60 minutes of torture on my Saturday...I get my scores in four weeks, so in the meantime, I'll be studying math, cause I'm pretty sure I have to take that part again.
But, all in all, I'm glad I finally took the test. I did accomplish THAT goal :). Oh, and I got my hair done on Thursday, so it was nice and fresh for the test, although no one knew that but me...lol.
Alhamdullah!!
I just got word that Imam Rasul's operation was a success and he is in recovery! Allah (swt) answered our prayers, and we are grateful for that! And, on top of everything else, today is his wife's birthday, so I know this is a wonderful present for her! Just wanted to spread the joyful news.
Correction
One of my previous entries stated that Imam Rasul had a stroke. I just learned from my mom that this is incorrect. He had an aneurysm and will have surgery soon. Insh'Allah, please keep him and his family in your prayers.
Free Therapy
This time of year always gets a little touchy for me, but the touchiness is not nearly as bad as it used to be. In 20 days, Insh’Allah, I’ll turn another year older. My mom LIVES for this time of the year, because it is extremely special for her. I’ve always known this, which is why I’ve made it a point to smile and appear full of grace no matter how I felt. Through the parties, the families, the friends, the gifts, and all the joy that birthdays bring, there were many times I couldn’t tune into it all. The love and happiness were great, but I could never shake the thought of knowing that it was the day I parted from the girl who had carried me close to her for the first nine months of my existence.
There are certain factors that shape the way people live their lives and adoption has always been an important one of mine. I’ve always known I was adopted as far back as I can remember, although I don’t remember the exact moment when I was told or the words used to tell me. My parents have always been very open regarding the matter; never trying to keep anything from me, even when I didn’t want to hear it. Although I had many questions, I never liked talking about and always seemed to avoid the subject of adoption with my parents. I just never wanted to seem like I didn’t appreciate all that they had done for me by continuously bringing up the fact that I wasn’t a part of them, and honestly, I didn’t want to keep reminding myself.
My beginning, which is too accepted now-a-days, wasn’t as accepted back in the late 1970s. My biological mother was a fifteen year old girl and my biological father was a seventeen year old boy. I guess they thought each other was cute, he said the right thing to her, she ate the shit up, ba da boom, ba da bang, the stork is preparing for flight. She cared for me by caring for herself during the first nine months of my existence, but made a smart decision to allow someone who was better able to care for me to do so. My mother told me that she and my father were so excited when they got the word that a girl was putting her baby up for adoption and they were going to be proud parents, once again, in nine months. My mother said that they were able to plan for me the entire nine months as though she were pregnant, which was a very special and exciting time. So, I guess you can say we formed a bond even before we met. At three days old, I met my new family and I’ve been with them ever since. (Wait, now that I think about it, that should be a celebration day as well…hey, anyone who knows me knows I’ll find any reason to have a party).
I can’t say that it has been emotionally easy to deal with, but at the same time I am truly blessed that Allah (swt) blessed me with a wonderful family. As far back as I can remember, I’ve strived to be a benefit to them and not a burden, which is why I was always cautious of the decisions I made. I guess that’s where the “think about others before you think about yourself” comes in. I just never wanted them to regret the decision they made to adopt me, and for me, that always weighed heavy on my mind…too heavy at times.
My therapy session is getting kinda long, so I’m going to wrap it up. I just want to end with voicing my goal to adopt because I’ve always wanted to. I would LOVE to bestow the blessing upon someone else that was bestowed upon me. I also feel it’s important to be there to support the emotional side that comes with adopted children. It is such a blessing to have people in your life who love and care for you and consider you as family, but I’d be a serious liar if I said that the disconnection from that biological part doesn’t have an affect on me in ways I sometimes hate to admit to myself. If I can comfort that part of someone else, I am so ready. As I’ve gotten older, and truly began to understand that Allah (swt) is the best of planners, I’ve found it a lot easier to cope.
I could go on forever about this topic, but I’ll stop here before you all start charging me…
Be Grateful
Whenever I'm feeling down about something, Allah (swt) shows me that I am truly blessed, which makes me feel stupid for complaining about my extremely minor issues. There are so many things going on in this world that give me absolutely NO reason to complain about my state, and for that I sincerely ask for forgiveness. Today, my best friend called and told me the horrible news that Imam Rasul had a stroke. I was stunned at the moment, like the wind had been knocked out of me. I got to know Rasul through working with him at CMS for two years and through that experience, I found him to be very intelligent, very kind, and just full of a joyful spirit. He was the other "young teacher" so we saw eye to eye about a lot of stuff at our job and joked a lot to keep our sanity. I was completely shocked when I heard this news. I immediately thought of his wife and prayed that Allah (swt) bless her and their families with comfort and mercy. I pray that he makes a great recovery from this. Man, you just never know what the day will bring, and when things like this happen, I just hate the fact that I feel like I have something to complain about.
My second mom, Sister Mu'minah, is fighting breast cancer. I pray for her every day, each time I think about her. My best friend is such an inspiration and a blessing right now. She has not hesitated in being there for her mother and assisting in her every need. I love to go over and visit, but I try to remain considerate of Sister Mu'minah's condition. One day, I was given the honor of feeding her dinner, which I truly enjoyed. It was funny how she directed me in doing that...if you know Sister Mu'minah, you know what I mean :). It is such a blessing to be able to do things for someone who did so much for you and who you know would be right there for you if the situation were reversed. I love her sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much, and I pray that Allah (swt) comforts and bestows His mercy upon them. Times like these make you appreciate everyone and everything around you so much more.
I just ask everyone who reads this to keep all their families in their prayers. I pray that Allah (swt) forgives me for not having 100% faith 100% of the time and remove those times where I find myself forgetting about the blessings and mercy He has bestowed upon me. I pray that Allah (swt) never turn away from us, for if He does, there is nothing or no one to protect or to help us.
Looking Back...
When I was younger, I believed that if I lived my life a certain way, I was guaranteed a certain outcome; if I was good and good to others, striving to demonstrate no signs of selfishness, always reliable and helpful when needed, then I would be rewarded with a happy life. At the almost age of 28, I'm finding that I was mistaken. As I look back on my life, I find that the majority of the choices I've made, those that altered my path and placed me where I am today, were due to making sure my family, friends, and/or community were ok. I sacrificed too many things that I wanted for myself for the sake of others, which has resulted in a loss of my personal happiness. I'll be 28 in less than a month and as my mind replays the majority of the choices I've made, all I can seem to think is that I wish I had been just a little selfish...
No Homework? Oh, really?
I have to share this story with you all cause it's that funny:
One of the parents at my center was concerned because he noticed his son wasn't receiving homework sheets to complete as often as he did at the beginning of the school year. The parent contacted the teacher who informed him that the director of the center told the teachers not to give out ditto sheet homework assignments due to the amount of paper teachers use when xeroxing. The parent, in turn, called the director, and I don't know how that conversation went. Next thing you know, the parent pulls up to the school with $500 worth of xerox paper he bought from Staples like "Here, problem solved...make sure my son gets homework tonight." I mean there were BOXES of xerox paper...I was CRACKING up...
See, the reason he was so into his child getting homework is because he noticed that the child's mother actually sits with the child and takes time out to help him complete it. When he doesn't have homework, that doesn't happen, so not only was he concerned about his child's education, but he was also concerned about his son's bonding time with his mother.
That was just so funny when it happened...man, be careful what you tell people cause you never know what they will do...
